A woman writes to the IT Technical support guy:

 Funny  Comments Off
Jan 212012
 

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a
distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in
the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed
undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and SOCCER 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes
the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
NN

Reply:

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. Html and try to download Tears
6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband
1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the
Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law
1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize
control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 prog

 Posted by Roger Obeid at 00:17

InfoQ: CouchDB and Me

 Open Source  No Responses »
Aug 092011
 

InfoQ: CouchDB and Me.

Very inspiring presentation by Damien Katz the creator of CouchDB.

 Posted by Roger Obeid at 19:27  Tagged with: ,

Impact of Code Cleanup on Site SEO

 SEO  No Responses »
Apr 072011
 

In the below link you will find a nice article about the impact of code cleanup, broken links , 301 redirect on site SEO.

after reading this article you will start looking for some tools to clean up the mess on your site :) try cleanup html to clean some messy html code.

Case Study: Impact of Code Cleanup on Site Traffic – Search Engine Watch (SEW).

 Posted by Roger Obeid at 23:19  Tagged with: , , ,

8.9 magnitude earthquake and Tsunami hits Japan

 News  No Responses »
Mar 112011
 

 Posted by Roger Obeid at 09:47

Extracting campaign data from Google Analytics cookies

 Google Analytics, PHP  5 Responses »
Feb 252011
 

Google Analytics in the last couple of years became a standard tool for web analytics as well a statndard tool for tracking marketing campaign. when a visitor hits first time your site Google Analytics sets different types of cookies in the visitors browser, one of these cookies is called utmz. this cookie holds quite valuable information like campaign name, campaign source, campaign medium, campaign term and campaign content.

to extract this data I used the following PHP method :

function getUtm(){
    $utm = array();
    if(!empty($_COOKIE['__utmz'])){
        $pattern = "/(utmcsr=([^\|]*)[\|]?)|(utmccn=([^\|]*)[\|]?)|(utmcmd=([^\|]*)[\|]?)|(utmctr=([^\|]*)[\|]?)|(utmcct=([^\|]*)[\|]?)/i";
        preg_match_all($pattern, $_COOKIE['__utmz'], $matches);
        if(!empty($matches[0])){
            foreach($matches[0] as $match){
                $pair = null;
                $match = trim($match, "|");
                list($k, $v) = explode("=", $match);
                $utm[$k] = $v;
           }
        }
    }
    return $utm;
}

the returned array from this method will contain the following:
utmccn => campaign name
utmcsr => campaign source
utmcmd => campaign medium
utmctr => campaign term or keyword
utmcct => campaign content

 Posted by Roger Obeid at 22:51  Tagged with: , , , , ,

Clean up Microsoft Word Html

 10.10 Maverick Meerkat, HTML, tidy, Tools  No Responses »
Feb 242011
 

Lately I had a task to publish some word documents with tables on a web site, after saving the file as filtered web site Microsoft Word produced a 250 KB file !! looking closely at the source code I notice their was 5 line of styles and unnecessary tags for every cell in the HTML table! fast search in Google resulted with Tidy, I installed the command line version as it was already included in Ubuntu 10.10 Maverick Meerkat repository, I run it and wow 30 KB result with clean and formated HTML.

here are the option I used in Tidy to cleanup the code:

bare: yes, clean: yes, drop-empty-paras: yes, drop-font-tags: yes, join-styles: yes, output-xhtml: yes, word-2000: yes

for more option check http://tidy.sourceforge.net/docs/quickref.html and for the online tool check Clean up HTML

 Posted by Roger Obeid at 21:23  Tagged with: , , , ,
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